Help with sentences

[Anitas170]

Can someone help me with this paragraph. Thank You.


Nicely done! I cared about the main character's suffering,
and you did a wonderful job showing his fault. I love your
descriptions. If I could write like you, I would be a happy
camper. I thought the story flowed well. Although I like the
ending, it would not have bother me if the lady had put
a knife through the old king's heart.

[Anitas170]

Hello, can someone please tell me if my sentences are correct.

[Pete]

Can someone help me with this paragraph. Thank You.


Nicely done! I cared about the main character's suffering,
and you did a wonderful job showing his fault. I love your
descriptions. If I could write like you, I would be a happy
camper. I thought the story flowed well. Although I like the
ending, it would not have bother me if the lady had put
a knife through the old king's heart.
The only actual mistake I see in any of your sentences is that in the last one, you should have "bothered", not "bother".

The phrase "be a happy camper", while common, is much more informal than the tone of the rest of the note.

If this is an actual letter you are planning to send, I thought it had a choppy, disconnected feel about it. Each sentence seems to introduce a new topic, and then the next one, instead of developing that topic, introduces something new. I presume that this is just an excerpt, and elsewhere in the letter you would say things like who you are (if the author you are writing to does not know you) and what work you are referring to.

[Anitas170]

Thank you! I appreciate your help. Actually, I am practicing my
punctuation, but I will take a look at your suggestion.:p