Lakers24
04-29-2008, 02:40 PM
Can someone please proof read my financial aid appeal letter. I'm not and English expert so tell me where a new paragraph starts or if you don't like how I worded the sentences feel free to change it.
My name is KB and I am writing to ask you to reconsider my suspension of financial aid. I would like to begin by thanking you for taking the time to read this letter and consider my request to reinstate my financial aid at CPP. I apologize for the lack of attention to my courses in previous semesters; however, I wish to explain the circumstances which distracted me from my studies. The winter and spring semesters of 2004 were a very stressful and overwhelming time in my life because my older brother left to work out of state, leaving only me and my mother to provide for our family. Because of my brother's departure, my mother and brothers were left without transportation and, as the oldest member of the household and only one with a car, the onus fell on my to provide transportation in our family of seven. We live in Monterey Park and every morning before I can get to school I had to take two of my brothers to school at Monterey Vista Elementary School in Monterey Park, another to Mark Kepple High School in Monterey Park, two other brothers to South El Monte High School in South El Monte and finally my mother to work in South El Monte. These responsibilities were limited to merely driving to school and work, but also to the grocery store, doctors visits, parent conferences, choir rehearsal or anywhere that required me driving. Unfortunately, this often necessitated me to miss class, submission deadlines, and a great deal of study time. Meanwhile, the financial hardships at home were affecting me mentally as much as in my daily routine. At the time, my mother was the only one working and our family was managing only with the help of Food Stamps. We were living paycheck to paycheck and my mother did not make enough money to pay the utility bills or rent. So, when I received my financial aid for my first two semesters, without thinking I gave everything to my mother to help our family make it through this rough time. Of course, this left me with no money to buy books, making keeping up in class nearly impossible. It was very difficult for me to concentrate and do well in my classes when I had to put my family ahead of myself. At the time I believed helping out my mother by giving her all my financial aid money was right because we didn't have enough for rent. Because of that I had to drop all my classes. I was unaware that thesechoices would cause me to lose the opportunity for financial assistance in the future. I appealed twice onec in the Fall of 2005 and another in the winter of 2007 thinking that I would receive financial aid but when I didn't I decided to withdraw from my courses because it was hard to study without any books or do any homework and when I went to the library to check out the books they were either checked out or you can only checke them out two hours at a time and I always paid fees for checking out the books too long. My grades in the fall of 2004 through the winter of 20008 doesn't reflect my potential abilities. For example, in the spring of 2006 I was able to afford books and passed with two A's and one B. Although there have been many family obligations that I chose to focus on instaed of my studies, I completely take responsibility for my performance. I understand that no matter what my circumstances are, it is my responsibility to keep my grades satisfactory to receive financial aid. I do realize that I neglected my studies and I would like another chance to do better in them. My situation has changed greatly since I attended classes at CPP in 2004 when most of my family obligations were interfering with my studies. My older brother has come back to California and is working to support our family; he also provides money to buy books when he has enough left over after other expenses. My family also supports me to achieve my goal of obtaining a degree in Business Administration and I recently found a part-time job to support myself. I firmly believe that I will be able to complete my studies successfully. I have compiled a list of steps I need to take in order to be successful in school: 1) I will obtain a tutor for my most difficult classes by becoming familiar with the tutoring center on campus. 2) I have talked to each of my instructor personally to find out how I can do well in their classes. 3) I will continue to work on my time management wisely so that I can balance my family and studies together. 4) I will atend all of my classes to take advantage of what they have to offer. My goal is to transfer to CSULA to earn a degree in Business Administration with a minor in Computer Information System. This is very important to me and without the help of financial aid I will not be able to transfer to CSULA and obtain a degree. I am sure that know what a huge honor and accomplishment it is to obtain a degree and I would like to make my family proud by being the first to earn a degree. I am a hard working stsudent and I would like a chance to prove to you that my next semester will not be a disappointment. There isn't anything else that I want more than to obtain my degree. With all sincerity, please allow me the opportunity to continue receiving financial aid to continue my education and make this dream of obtaining my degree possible.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
(my name)
My name is KB and I am writing to ask you to reconsider my suspension of financial aid. I would like to begin by thanking you for taking the time to read this letter and consider my request to reinstate my financial aid at CPP. I apologize for the lack of attention to my courses in previous semesters; however, I wish to explain the circumstances which distracted me from my studies. The winter and spring semesters of 2004 were a very stressful and overwhelming time in my life because my older brother left to work out of state, leaving only me and my mother to provide for our family. Because of my brother's departure, my mother and brothers were left without transportation and, as the oldest member of the household and only one with a car, the onus fell on my to provide transportation in our family of seven. We live in Monterey Park and every morning before I can get to school I had to take two of my brothers to school at Monterey Vista Elementary School in Monterey Park, another to Mark Kepple High School in Monterey Park, two other brothers to South El Monte High School in South El Monte and finally my mother to work in South El Monte. These responsibilities were limited to merely driving to school and work, but also to the grocery store, doctors visits, parent conferences, choir rehearsal or anywhere that required me driving. Unfortunately, this often necessitated me to miss class, submission deadlines, and a great deal of study time. Meanwhile, the financial hardships at home were affecting me mentally as much as in my daily routine. At the time, my mother was the only one working and our family was managing only with the help of Food Stamps. We were living paycheck to paycheck and my mother did not make enough money to pay the utility bills or rent. So, when I received my financial aid for my first two semesters, without thinking I gave everything to my mother to help our family make it through this rough time. Of course, this left me with no money to buy books, making keeping up in class nearly impossible. It was very difficult for me to concentrate and do well in my classes when I had to put my family ahead of myself. At the time I believed helping out my mother by giving her all my financial aid money was right because we didn't have enough for rent. Because of that I had to drop all my classes. I was unaware that thesechoices would cause me to lose the opportunity for financial assistance in the future. I appealed twice onec in the Fall of 2005 and another in the winter of 2007 thinking that I would receive financial aid but when I didn't I decided to withdraw from my courses because it was hard to study without any books or do any homework and when I went to the library to check out the books they were either checked out or you can only checke them out two hours at a time and I always paid fees for checking out the books too long. My grades in the fall of 2004 through the winter of 20008 doesn't reflect my potential abilities. For example, in the spring of 2006 I was able to afford books and passed with two A's and one B. Although there have been many family obligations that I chose to focus on instaed of my studies, I completely take responsibility for my performance. I understand that no matter what my circumstances are, it is my responsibility to keep my grades satisfactory to receive financial aid. I do realize that I neglected my studies and I would like another chance to do better in them. My situation has changed greatly since I attended classes at CPP in 2004 when most of my family obligations were interfering with my studies. My older brother has come back to California and is working to support our family; he also provides money to buy books when he has enough left over after other expenses. My family also supports me to achieve my goal of obtaining a degree in Business Administration and I recently found a part-time job to support myself. I firmly believe that I will be able to complete my studies successfully. I have compiled a list of steps I need to take in order to be successful in school: 1) I will obtain a tutor for my most difficult classes by becoming familiar with the tutoring center on campus. 2) I have talked to each of my instructor personally to find out how I can do well in their classes. 3) I will continue to work on my time management wisely so that I can balance my family and studies together. 4) I will atend all of my classes to take advantage of what they have to offer. My goal is to transfer to CSULA to earn a degree in Business Administration with a minor in Computer Information System. This is very important to me and without the help of financial aid I will not be able to transfer to CSULA and obtain a degree. I am sure that know what a huge honor and accomplishment it is to obtain a degree and I would like to make my family proud by being the first to earn a degree. I am a hard working stsudent and I would like a chance to prove to you that my next semester will not be a disappointment. There isn't anything else that I want more than to obtain my degree. With all sincerity, please allow me the opportunity to continue receiving financial aid to continue my education and make this dream of obtaining my degree possible.
Thank you for your time and consideration,
(my name)