Anonymous
01-08-2005, 04:33 AM
Dear teacher
Thanks for your previous help. And now, I'd like to have your correction for the following story:
WHEN DOES LOVE COME?
"Reng...reng..."The phone rang and the quietness was broken.
“Hello! Who is that?” Lan said.
"It's me, Am, your old friend!"
"Ah yes, it's you. Well, it's a long time since we met each other. How are you?" Lan's voice was full of happiness and surprise.
At that time, Yen was lying next to Lan, Her sister, reading magazine on their bed. So she could hear their conversation. They still continue talking friendly. After several minutes, Lan said:
"Ah, Yen has not made up her mind yet. Maybe she will choose FTU or VNU-CFL. Yes! She is very industrious!"
Yen was very astonished. Yen remembered meeting Am once time before. But at that time she could not remember his face exactly and she wondered. Accordingly, they are talking about her. Thus she picked up the receiver in the living room to listen to their talk. Immediately, Yen was attracted by Am's warm and deep voice and her heart was a little shaky. That night, she thought much about him.
Through her sister, Lan, Yen knew that Lan and Am were classmates when they were little, exactly in their 5th form. They were quite close. Then Am had to go to the South with his family After that, his family move to Hanoi and he has been studying in Hanoi since then. However, sometimes he returns to his hometown to visit his uncle and friends. Lan told Yen That Am was a good boy and he learned very well. Since that evening, Yen often thought about Am and his warmly voice. The picture of him in her imagination was the strength to stimulate her when she felt tired of her hard studying. She thought that only when she passed the entrance exam to University could she meet him.
Time continues passing by till Am's birthday. Yen really wanted to phone Am to wish him best wishes but she couldn't do like that. She did not want Am to know about her true feeling. She thought over whether she should phone him or not and what she should say. Finally, she decided to phone him but she pretended that she did not know that day was Am's birthday. Am showed his happiness and astonishment. Yen only asked him about some universities and some reference books which necessary for her study. And one more time , she listened to his deep voice. Then, she made decision of choosing the same College with Am's.
After the drizzily spring, the summer came with quick rains and hot climate. It was the time when Yen had to learn hard to prepare for her exam. In a night evening, there are many stars in the sky. "Reng...reng..."The door ring suddenly went off when Yen was studying in her room. After some minutes, her brother called: "Yen! There is someone who wants to meet you". Then, she opened the door and saw a tall boy. But it was so dark that she couldn't recognize him. "Who's that?" She asked. "It's me, Am. Well, I came to Hanoi yesterday. I bring an English book for you. I think it's quite useful .”Yen said to him with pleasure and astonishment. "Wow, thanks alot. Would you like to come into my house for a while?". "Well, my friend is waiting for me over there and I have something to do. I only drop on you but on another occasion I'm surely visit your house. Bye!" "Bye! Thank you very much once more" -Yen said with a smile. That evening Yen was very happy. She could not imagine what had just happened. The only thing she still wondered was how Am looked like. She could not see his face clearly because of darkness. That night, she couldn't sleep, she tossed and turned in her bed. She thought that she like him.
Because of Yen's hard working and her secret love, she passed the exam and became a student of VNU-CFL. Yen and Am contacted with each other through Internet. Yen sent messages to tell Am that she wondered whether she could recognize him or not if she met him at school. Then, Am replied: "Where is your classroom? I'll come to meet you on Friday this week at 11.30am on Thursday". When Yen was walking through the yard of VNU , she suddenly saw a boy who looked like someone she had ever met. Some seconds later, she thought :"It's him!" and called out:" Am!" The boy returned and smiled: "Oh, Yen! How can you recognize me? "How accidental it was! That was an unforgettable moment to Yen. She felt so happy that she found everything around them seemed to be more beautiful. The air seemed to be fresher, trees seemed to be greener, the sky seemed to be higher, everybody seemed to be lovelier and her life seemed to be nicer. "Has the love come to me?" She thought.
Thanks for your previous help. And now, I'd like to have your correction for the following story:
WHEN DOES LOVE COME?
"Reng...reng..."The phone rang and the quietness was broken.
“Hello! Who is that?” Lan said.
"It's me, Am, your old friend!"
"Ah yes, it's you. Well, it's a long time since we met each other. How are you?" Lan's voice was full of happiness and surprise.
At that time, Yen was lying next to Lan, Her sister, reading magazine on their bed. So she could hear their conversation. They still continue talking friendly. After several minutes, Lan said:
"Ah, Yen has not made up her mind yet. Maybe she will choose FTU or VNU-CFL. Yes! She is very industrious!"
Yen was very astonished. Yen remembered meeting Am once time before. But at that time she could not remember his face exactly and she wondered. Accordingly, they are talking about her. Thus she picked up the receiver in the living room to listen to their talk. Immediately, Yen was attracted by Am's warm and deep voice and her heart was a little shaky. That night, she thought much about him.
Through her sister, Lan, Yen knew that Lan and Am were classmates when they were little, exactly in their 5th form. They were quite close. Then Am had to go to the South with his family After that, his family move to Hanoi and he has been studying in Hanoi since then. However, sometimes he returns to his hometown to visit his uncle and friends. Lan told Yen That Am was a good boy and he learned very well. Since that evening, Yen often thought about Am and his warmly voice. The picture of him in her imagination was the strength to stimulate her when she felt tired of her hard studying. She thought that only when she passed the entrance exam to University could she meet him.
Time continues passing by till Am's birthday. Yen really wanted to phone Am to wish him best wishes but she couldn't do like that. She did not want Am to know about her true feeling. She thought over whether she should phone him or not and what she should say. Finally, she decided to phone him but she pretended that she did not know that day was Am's birthday. Am showed his happiness and astonishment. Yen only asked him about some universities and some reference books which necessary for her study. And one more time , she listened to his deep voice. Then, she made decision of choosing the same College with Am's.
After the drizzily spring, the summer came with quick rains and hot climate. It was the time when Yen had to learn hard to prepare for her exam. In a night evening, there are many stars in the sky. "Reng...reng..."The door ring suddenly went off when Yen was studying in her room. After some minutes, her brother called: "Yen! There is someone who wants to meet you". Then, she opened the door and saw a tall boy. But it was so dark that she couldn't recognize him. "Who's that?" She asked. "It's me, Am. Well, I came to Hanoi yesterday. I bring an English book for you. I think it's quite useful .”Yen said to him with pleasure and astonishment. "Wow, thanks alot. Would you like to come into my house for a while?". "Well, my friend is waiting for me over there and I have something to do. I only drop on you but on another occasion I'm surely visit your house. Bye!" "Bye! Thank you very much once more" -Yen said with a smile. That evening Yen was very happy. She could not imagine what had just happened. The only thing she still wondered was how Am looked like. She could not see his face clearly because of darkness. That night, she couldn't sleep, she tossed and turned in her bed. She thought that she like him.
Because of Yen's hard working and her secret love, she passed the exam and became a student of VNU-CFL. Yen and Am contacted with each other through Internet. Yen sent messages to tell Am that she wondered whether she could recognize him or not if she met him at school. Then, Am replied: "Where is your classroom? I'll come to meet you on Friday this week at 11.30am on Thursday". When Yen was walking through the yard of VNU , she suddenly saw a boy who looked like someone she had ever met. Some seconds later, she thought :"It's him!" and called out:" Am!" The boy returned and smiled: "Oh, Yen! How can you recognize me? "How accidental it was! That was an unforgettable moment to Yen. She felt so happy that she found everything around them seemed to be more beautiful. The air seemed to be fresher, trees seemed to be greener, the sky seemed to be higher, everybody seemed to be lovelier and her life seemed to be nicer. "Has the love come to me?" She thought.